7 Funeral Readings & Poems for a Difficult Person

Grief is never simple. And when the person you’re saying goodbye to was difficult – someone you loved but didn’t always get along with or someone whose presence in your life was complicated – the emotions can feel even more tangled. 

You may find yourself unsure of what to say, how to feel or how to honour their memory in a way that feels respectful without being dishonest.

At Jamieson Funeral Directors, we understand that not every relationship fits neatly into words like “close” or “loving.” The connection you had with the person who has died might have been marked by distance, conflict or pain – but even so, you may still feel a deep need to mark their passing with care and dignity.

To help you, we’ve gathered a selection of readings and poems that can speak to complexity with grace, and offer advice on how to create a farewell that is both honest and compassionate.

Finding peace in a complicated farewell

Love doesn’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes, the people who shaped our lives the most were also the most challenging. 

Perhaps your loved one was emotionally distant. Perhaps they were demanding, volatile or hard to understand. Or perhaps your relationship was complicated by past hurts, unresolved issues or periods of silence.

It’s important to recognise that these kinds of relationships are not uncommon – and you are not alone in feeling conflicted. 

Grief can be accompanied by a mix of emotions: sorrow, anger, guilt, confusion, even relief. All of these feelings are valid and they do not diminish the significance of the person’s life or the impact they had on you.

Planning a funeral in these circumstances requires sensitivity, both to yourself and to others who may have experienced the person differently. You may feel pressure to speak positively, to gloss over difficulties or paint a picture that doesn’t feel quite true. But a meaningful farewell does not require falsehood. It is possible to honour a life without pretending it was perfect.

In moments like these, try to focus on what was shared – a memory, a moment of kindness, a lesson learned. Consider the parts of their character that were strong, unique or admirable, even if your relationship was strained. This approach allows space for honesty while still offering a respectful tribute.

Above all, remember this: a funeral is not about rewriting history. It’s about finding peace. And sometimes, that peace comes from simply acknowledging the truth with kindness.

How to speak honestly and respectfully at a funeral

If you’re called upon to say a few words or if you wish to contribute to the service in some way, it’s understandable to feel unsure about how to speak. 

How do you pay tribute to someone who was difficult, without being insincere? How do you avoid causing hurt, while still honouring your own experience?

The key is to speak gently and thoughtfully. You don’t need to say everything – and you certainly don’t need to say anything that doesn’t feel right. 

Here are a few suggestions for crafting a tribute that feels true and respectful:

• Use neutral, dignified language – You can reflect on their role in your life without using overly emotional or affectionate terms. For example, “They were a complex person” or “Our relationship had its challenges” can acknowledge reality without sounding harsh.
  
• Focus on shared experiences – You might choose to highlight a story, a habit or a part of their life that others can relate to. If there were moments of joy or humour, it’s okay to share those too.
  
• Reflect on what you’ve learned – Even difficult relationships can teach us something – about resilience, boundaries or forgiveness. You might share how the experience shaped you or what you hope for going forward.
  
• Keep it brief, if needed – A short, sincere message can be just as powerful as a long eulogy. You don’t have to fill the space with words – presence alone is meaningful.
  

And finally, it’s perfectly okay to choose silence. Not everyone needs to speak at a funeral. Being there, offering support or simply lighting a candle in quiet remembrance are all valid ways to honour someone’s life.

Choosing the right reading or poem

Finding the right words to say goodbye is always a delicate task. When your connection to the person was complex or painful, it can be even harder to find a reading or poem that truly reflects how you feel. 

You may want something that honours their life, but without idealising it. You might be looking for words that speak gently to the grief, without denying the difficulties that were present.

The selections below have been carefully chosen with this in mind. Each offers its own kind of comfort – some with peaceful imagery, others with philosophical reflection. They’re well-suited to ceremonies where feelings may be mixed and where the tone needs to remain balanced and respectful. 

In their own quiet ways, these readings acknowledge that human relationships are rarely simple and that every life deserves a farewell rooted in kindness.

1. Afterglow – by Helen Lowrie Marshall

I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days.

This gentle poem invites mourners to remember the lighter moments of a person’s life. While it doesn’t deny the complexity of a relationship, its focus on memory and peace can help steer the tone of a funeral towards quiet reflection. 

Afterglow doesn’t ask us to forget what was difficult – rather, it gives permission to hold on to the moments of warmth and happiness that did exist, however few they may have been. This is especially appropriate when the desire is to offer a calm, dignified farewell.

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2. Let Me Go – by Christina Rossetti

When I come to the end of the road,
And the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room,
Why cry for a soul set free?

This widely loved poem offers a simple message: let go with peace. Let Me Go can be particularly fitting when there is emotional complexity surrounding the death. 

Its tone is gentle, not sentimental and it provides a way to say farewell without needing to articulate all the unspoken feelings or unresolved emotions. It’s a poem that allows both distance and respect, making it suitable when there is a sense of relief or quiet closure after a difficult relationship.

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3. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 – A time for everything

To everything there is a season,
And a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die…

This timeless Bible passage is often chosen for its universal message. It acknowledges the ebb and flow of life with balance and acceptance – love and loss, joy and sorrow, growth and stillness. 

Its calm, rhythmic phrasing makes it a thoughtful choice when you’re searching for something spiritual but not overly personal. It doesn’t shy away from the reality of death, but it offers a broader view – one that might help mourners place a difficult life within the larger rhythm of the human journey.

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4. Desiderata – by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

This reflective prose-poem is not religious but deeply spiritual in tone. It speaks of tolerance, peace and the importance of keeping perspective – all helpful messages when grieving someone who was complex or challenging.

Desiderata offers a calm, grounding reminder that life is full of contradictions and imperfections, and that we can still move forward with dignity and hope. It’s particularly well suited to ceremonies where mourners come from different backgrounds or hold varied beliefs.

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5. The Guest House – by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor…

This spiritual and philosophical poem from the 13th-century poet Rumi is a profound reflection on the nature of human emotions. It welcomes every feeling – pleasant or painful – as part of the human experience.

For those grieving someone with whom the relationship was fraught or painful, The Guest House gives permission to feel it all: the sadness, the regret, the small moments of grace. It reminds us that nothing is permanent and that each emotion has something to teach us. A powerful choice for those seeking meaning and healing in the midst of emotional complexity.

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6. Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep – by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow…

This widely known and deeply comforting poem is a gentle reminder that the person we’ve lost continues to live on in the world around us. While it doesn’t dwell on personality or character, its focus on peace and presence makes it especially helpful when a more personal tribute feels too difficult. It encourages mourners to find comfort in nature and memory, offering a simple and beautiful way to say goodbye without needing to resolve all that was left unsaid.

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7. Crossing the Bar – by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea…

Tennyson’s poem is a dignified and poetic farewell, often chosen for its calm acceptance of death. It draws on nautical imagery to depict death as a final voyage – not to be feared, but to be accepted with grace. Crossing the Bar can feel particularly appropriate for someone whose life had both storms and stillness. It allows mourners to acknowledge the journey’s end with solemnity and respect, without needing to gloss over the challenges that may have come before.

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When no poem feels quite right: find your own words

Sometimes, no reading or poem fully captures your experience – especially when emotions are complicated. In these moments, you might consider writing something personal. It doesn’t need to be long or poetic. A few simple sentences, honestly written, can be a powerful tribute.

Here are a few ways to begin:

• Although we had our differences, I will always remember…
• Your life was not always easy, but there were moments of light…
• I hope you’ve found peace, wherever you are now.

You can focus on memories, shared experiences or even a wish for healing – either for yourself or for those left behind. Keep it gentle and sincere. The aim is not to sum up a life, but to honour your experience of it with kindness.

A funeral that feels true to you

Every funeral is different, because every life and every relationship is different. When someone was difficult, creating a farewell that feels true to your experience may take extra care – but it is absolutely possible. Whether you choose to read a poem, write a few words or simply listen in quiet reflection, you are honouring the complexity of that bond in your own way.

At Jamieson Funeral Directors, we believe that all lives deserve dignity. We’re here to help you shape a farewell that reflects your truth – with warmth, respect and understanding.

Reach out to us at directors@jamiesonfuneraldirectors.co.uk or call 0117 956 4796 to find out how we can guide you through this difficult time with compassion and respect.

As independent Bristol funeral directors, we understand what a difficult time this is for every family and our clients find our warm and efficient manner very supportive. We are here to guide you throughout the process and can advise on every detail.